Build The Right Kind of Resilience
The word “crisis” used to be reserved for at least a million people dying—usually in a gulag or concentration camp. Now the word “crisis” gets thrown around for even the minutest of inconvenience.
Mark Manson illustrated how this looks like today: “Timmy got an F on his term paper – it’s a crisis! Call his parents! Call his grandparents! His confidence is in crisis. His self-esteem is in crisis. Sign him up for an app that tells him how beautiful his smile is!”
In the pursuit for optimum convenience, we’ve made ourselves fragile and weak. We view situations as considerably worse than it actually is. We’re offended by everything. And we actually think being offended means something. It doesn’t.
Resilience is the ability to create positive adaptations to negative events. This means it doesn’t come from positive feelings. Rather, it comes from leveraging our negative feelings. It’s the ability to take things like anger and sadness and make them useful and productive.
When we become sufficiently resilient, we are unstoppable and limitless. Here are some ways to build the right kind of resilience –
CARE ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN YOURSELF
Our focus on the self has made us fearful and overwhelmed, especially in times of crisis. Part of our anxiety is the constant focus on oneself. Even if we do focus on others, it is only to judge them about how they feel about us, and what they think about us. If instead of our inner selfishness, we find a greater cause to endure a crisis or risk, a deeper purpose or mission that eclipses our ego, then the crisis is taken care of.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
We cannot control outside events and circumstances. We cannot control what other people say, think or feel about us. What we can control is what we think, say or do. We can choose to react or not react. We suffer because we catastrophize the stuff that happens around us, unable to understand that the pain is unavoidable, but that the suffering is avoidable. The day we stop that internal suffering, we become invincible.
PRACTICE INWARD OPTIMISM, OUTWARD PESSIMISM
If we assume or expect others to be rude, impolite, backstabbing and untrustworthy, they won't really surprise us. In fact, it somehow makes our days easier if we know this in advance. We understand beforehand that life is going to be hard, but we will handle it and learn from it. This is inner optimism but outer pessimism.
