Tame Your Need to be Liked
As social creatures we’re concerned with whether or not we are appreciated and respected by those around us. We try to behave affably, say the right things, and laugh at the appropriate times, all for the sake of winning the regard of others.
The approval of others becomes a top social priority and dictates many of our actions. At some point, most of us succumb to this tendency to butter the rest of mankind’s bread, which is fine. It’s natural to do so. But, we must exercise caution. Investing ourselves too fully into how others perceive us can have terrible consequences.
People who frequently seek the attention and praise of others are looking for an external validation of themselves. Usually, this is because, at their core, they are filled with self-doubt. So they do what they can to increase positive feedback and eliminate negative feedback.
When your top priority is to gain the approval of everyone, you’re inviting people to befriend a sham; you’ve developed a facade disguising your complex self. Most people won’t know the you that’s buried beneath, and you may begin to forget that person too.
Here are a few tips to tame your need to be liked –
1. Stop Playing the Critic
Before you’ll be able to care less about others criticizing you, you must do your best to stop criticizing people. Realize that the act of judging others reflects your own intolerance. By rising above the behavior yourself, you can realize how juvenile it is in the first place.
2. Take Minor Social Risks
Start doing a few things that you normally wouldn’t do because of your fear of what others would think or say. Dance wildly at a show, voluntarily speak up in class, wear something edgy. Doing little things such as these will help you to understand that disregarding your fear of judgment and rejection is liberating!
3. Live by Your Deeper Values
We inherently sense what paths are right and wrong for us. Start saying what you really feel and doing what you sense is right for you. We can develop a deeply rooted self-esteem by upholding the values that most deeply resonate with us. The more you seek to align your actions with what you feel in the heart of your being, the less you will invest in the opinions of the mud-flingers.
4. Focus on Actual Outcomes
If you’re feeling anxious or afraid of someone who may be directing condescending energy toward you, ask yourself – What is the worst thing that can come of this person’s distaste? What am I really afraid of? Most of the time, we’re just afraid – afraid of not being the best, the smartest, the prettiest, the fastest, etc. It’s okay to not be these things.
5. Love Your Good and Bad
Give yourself permission to not be the things you wish you could be. Embrace the fact that all of your qualities — both your boons and shortcomings — are essential to the equation that is you. As Kanye West once sang, “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am.”
The message boils down to this – Your top priorities should be saying what you feel, and doing what flows organically from you. If you do this, people may end up disliking you, but you will likely be more content, stand for something, and derive a sense of meaning from your identity.
