Exploring Empathy
Oftentimes, when we try to comfort or understand another person, we are quick to give unsolicited advice and offer solutions to try and fix their problems when what they really need is someone who will listen with no judgments or commentary.
Increasing our ability to empathize can help us achieve this and get closer to others, gain their support when we need it, and potentially defuse high-charged conflicts in our professional and personal life.
There are 3 types of empathy –
Emotional or Affective Empathy – "You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!"
Affective empathy involves the ability to understand another person's emotions and respond appropriately. Such emotional understanding may lead to someone feeling concerned for another person's well-being, or it may lead to feelings of personal distress.
Cognitive Empathy – "I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck."
Cognitive empathy involves being able to understand another person's mental state and what they might be thinking in response to the situation. This is related to what psychologists refer to as theory of mind, or thinking about what other people are thinking.
Compassion or Somatic Empathy – "You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?"
Somatic empathy involves having a sort of physical reaction in response to what someone else is experiencing. People sometimes physically experience what another person is feeling. When you see someone else feeling embarrassed, for example, you might start to blush or have an upset stomach.
Be aware and listen carefully to what others are telling you and the kind of empathy you are exercising. You know you are becoming more empathetic when you're able to decipher and recognize the feelings of others.
Here are questions you can use to explore more about a person's behavior and how you can best empathize with them –
What are their beliefs and assumptions? Can I allow that information to inform how I approach them?
Can I take a broader perspective on what might be driving them? What impulses or reasoning might be informing their behavior?
Am I creating a condition that they are finding the need to adapt to that I might find frustrating?
Is there something I can do to change how I'm showing up and influence the environment in which this other person is operating?
Empathy means seeing things through someone else's eyes. It is an essential component that keeps relationships running smoothly. It allows us to create bonds of trust, gives insights into another's situation, helps to understand why others are reacting to situations. It is a skill best explored and practiced.
